MissItalianCutie

Silence..

2006-03-26T18:37:00.000+10:30

In my mind memories race like a preview,
the face that haunts them screams in pain.
A scream so deep no one can hear it,
and as you try, it just takes more of you.

The dull silence of ignorance is so loud,
a whisper deafens my ears to your pain.
As you cry in desperation, I watch sadly,
Reaching out to something I can never touch.

And you are part of me, as the tears fall cold,
I close my eyes to slow the world down.
My walls fall away, my inspiration shot,
As something so strong decays infront of me.

I love you, but words wont heal your pain,
Im here, but presence is just a distraction.
Be back in my mind as a sweet memory,
I long for the time you were right.

In my mind my memories race like a preview,
In my eyes all i hear is screaming.
All you can see is a face of contentment,
But all I long for is silence....

Toilet Politics

2006-02-23T22:18:00.000+10:30

So I said I would do it ladies....and here it is.

So what are the rules when stepping into an under-accommodating, slightly off smelling toilet? Do we use a public toilet at our convenience, or try to avoid it and put ourselves at the risk of a urinary infection at all times???
Are there certain publics restrooms that are acceptable to use (ie. the staff toilet) or does that not put us at more risk of humiliation when the inevitable No.2 will just not hang on for 5.30???

So what are some of the basics that we all know are no-go's in the public toilet system?

No communication with fellow cubicles at any time
Avoid any bodily noises or water splashes
No singing to the PA music or talking freely on mobile phones
Do not make excess toilet rolling
Wash hands even when the soap dispenser is empty (usual)
Wipe hands if all drying agents are unavailable (nothing worse than a wet doorknob)
All flatulence left for the home environment
Definately no No.2's if there is a line up, i dont care how much it wants to release

But what else is unsaid but always obeyed in the restroom area.

When heading in and noticing that all cubicles are filled, you wait until one is free. But then when you step in that inconsiderate person before has done the most rotten bowel cleanse you have ever smelt.

A. Do you stay in there anyway and hold your breath till your lips go blue.

B. Do you walk out immediately, embarass prior party and wait for the next cubicle vacancy?

When stepping into said restroom and not all cubicles are filled but you pass someone just as they head out, is it social decency and personal space to head to a entirely new cubicle, or is it ok to step into their momentary turf???

If all is good and you have suitably placed yourself in that corner cubicle, how many times can you roll the toilet paper before people start to realise your not in there just to release fluids, and then how much is too much before they start thinking your laxatives must have taken effect?

So business is done, what do you do first? Is it zip up then flush or the other way around??? Personally i dont see how people can stand there with their pants around their ankle and still turn around butt naked to press half or full. It is always arrange first because if there's people waiting they are hanging for that flush sound and ready to pounce.

So what if someone else flushes first? Can you also and then head out at the same time as them? Or is it first in, first served. I think the suitable time frame is that wen the soap is in their hand and the waters running, your safe to make your exit.

And please this is a no-go with me. If you are drying your hands and you give up half way and go to grab that doorknob, step back a second and have some consideration. Alright if you have an inpatience problem, than at least wipe them on your pants, dont coat the door with your toilet habits.

With No.2's there is a debate going on, on whether you place toilet paper in the bowl first to avoid splashing sounds or aim slightly off center so it rebounds. Second option? I dont think so. No one likes the trails of your business, i'd much rather just hear you. Personally i think the first option is quite socially considerate, saves embarassment and mess. But make sure this isn't taken too far and the whole roll is down there as this will just cause a blockage, and that is the most humiliating thing possible. How can you walk away from that with dignity?

But when drunk do not all these rules fly out the window??? Hell if it wasnt for the side walls giving us the support, hovering would be out of the question in such circumstances. Therefor I believe that all places serving alcohol should be forced to place disabled rails in all female toilets, come on help us out a little here!

But before sounding too forward I will leave it at this and hopefully will have some feedback and maybe even something i've missed..........think about it.

The worst is over...

2005-11-02T11:54:00.000+10:30

So now I'm 20. Now I have a job. Now I have someone who works like a drug just by stepping in the room.

Am I happy?

Yeah :)

Am I sad?

Yeah :(

Am I scared?

Maybe a little....

But most of all, am I content?

For the first time in my life yes.
Turning 20 wasnt all so bad. I had 98% of all the people that are dear to me with me to celebrate (and support) me on that night. Honestly nothing more mattered to me than that. I took a look at all of them and thought 'If this is what has taken me 20 years to learn, if these are the people that I have sorted through to find, then it has been all worth it.'

I can really say that all of them are the most genuine, honest people this world has to offer. There is not one of them I wouldnt trust my life to.

It was a great night, with all groups mixing, a few new friendships forming, and a few old ones reconciling. Drinks were good. The only complaint really is that the Casino has just got waaaaayyyy too busy. Actually everywhere has just got waaayyyy too busy. Why?

The infamous, the largest, and probably the only nationally competing nightclub in Adelaide has been shut. I never thought it could would or should happen, but now it's devestating on the inner city nightlife.
Something to do with not paying licences and fines and not turning up to court, but thats all irrelevant now.

So this has had major impact on clubs and bars and consequently my b'day night. No matter where you go, up market cocktail lounges, few-beers-after-uni-bar, or even the under-aged swarmed taverns......the lines are F**KING ridiculous!!!
Yes the owners would be loving this but is it even worth going out anymore if to get one drink takes you 25 mins to get and then you are stuck to ur 20cm/20cm spot for the rest of the night whilst sweating from all the extremely close body heat??

Ah, its not worth the trouble anymore.

But yes, life has certainly been improving 10fold in the past month or so. I am now working for a healthcare company extremely prominent in Adelaide, Melbourne and not so much but still in Sydney.
It has got to be the best job Ive had so far and I really want to excel further with it.

So Im leaving it here for the moment, one because its too bloody humid and you feel as if you need a shower every 30 secs and 2 because theres a cooking show on tv too good to pass up!

Oh god...

Ciao!

PS. My heart goes out to a dear friend I know is not having the best of times at the moment. I love you sweety, and know that we are all here for you. If you ever need to talk, I am here....

A little bit of this....a little bit of that

2005-10-03T12:21:00.000+09:30

Well its been a while, well really for a while there my life was null and void of any really interesting topic to speak of. But Im back, yet again, filling you in on the endless rant of a soon to be twenty something aussie girl.

The idea of turning 20 somewhat scares me. When I was younger 20 meant those mature girls you see catching up for a quick Greek Salad on Rundle St before running back to the office in a full skirt suit and an immaculately white pair of Nikes.
Well, definitely not me, and that doesn't look to change anytime soon. I have been taking a look at my life recently and wondered how far have I really come from wearing diapers to learning how to insert my first tampon.....ewww too gross, even for me.

Sure Im not at Uni or Tafe, I don't have a 9-5 job and I definitely don't participate in a weekly yoga class, but I like to think that my progress has been mental, emotional and somewhat physical. Now those yoga classes are starting to sound appealing...grrrr

I don't feel all that academically smart, but I do feel smart. In ways of life and how to cope with things....seeing things in a more realistic view than getting my hopes up that one day it may change...

All in all, I think I have finally accepted myself for WHO I AM.

I don't regret anything I have done in my life, not all experiences are good and I find comfort in that.

I've taken a new interest in Natural Medicines and ofcourse make-up so what better than to start doing my certificates in Community Pharmacy, its sorta like retail with a flair really. Im close to finishing and absolutely loving it, even applying to get into the industry early.

Its the people around me that have kept me going the most, and inspired me to finally shake my head and get myself on track for the rest of my life. I love these people with all my heart and still strive to care and look after them as best I can. Yes you could say that some of this contentment has come from finding another person who compliments who I am perfectly.

No we're not one of those sappy couples that never fight, and are always gazing at each other. But we do spend an enormous amount of time with each other ( this could be accounted for the fact that we both currently don't have jobs).

To find someone that has a passion similar to yours, who has the same views yet is completely the opposite to you. It feels amazing.

But yes, I think this is it for me, the child in me is fading, Im starting to take an interest in home improvement shows and trust me when I came to admit that I had to swallow my heart again.
I no longer find mindless humour in Jerry Springer or Dude Where's My Car, instead I hang out to watch Dr Phil and Oprah to learn more about the human mind. God please don't let Days of Our Lives be next!

so I don't really know if Im having one of those life changing experiences....I don't know whether just not being able to call myself a teen is scaring the hell out of me....or maybe Im just coming to that stage in my life where I've grown too big for my gum boots and its time to buy my first pair of immaculately white nikes.

Whats for sure is Im loving the new me, Im loving the way I've started thinking and Im loving that at 2am Im not obsessing over which Macca's Value Meal to purchase but whether a red wine or a Caipiroska is my choice of drink before heading home.

So I hope this change is for good, because I feel like a better person now, and my past hang ups hold no worry with me anymore....I was a kid.
don't worry, you will still be getting the same light hearted comedy reading you have come to expect of MIC.

Love you all!

It's all just a little too scarey...

2005-07-11T13:12:00.000+09:30

The london underground bombing attacks.

Despite the fact that I was meant to be living in London at the present time, this just cuts a little too close to home. Yes everyone I know has said something, or reported on something about this terrible act, but Im not going to go into the politics side of it all. It seems everyone is jumping on the band wagon to express their complete disgust at the people who did this, and fair enough so. These men obviously have a blind faith in an extremist pathetic ideal. Line them all up against a wall infront of a firing squad is an all too common comment I have been hearing lately.
Not to point out but someone being done for 4kgs of drugs smuggling was up for the same sentence, the scale here seems to be scewed.

Now yes it's all perfectly natural to act out our hatred on the people that caused it. But at the same time, there will always be people like this, there always have been. It's human nature to conflict, and this is that act in its extreme. Please if im soundng insensitive, I mean not to be, I wish there werent people like this alive as much as anyone else, but just being angry at them and plotting retaliations isnt going to get us anywhere. Well apart from in more fights.
What 'some' people dont realise is they did this in a form of retaliation against us. Against the wrongs we are doing in their countries, and 'some' of the people in the world are doing just that.

They are as pissed off with us, as we are with them. The difference? Why do they look like the worse group of people as compared to say the Amercian defence force?
Because they in no way state their high regard for human life, they show no remorse in the acts that they devise against our people, basically their being honest of their own appauling morality.
Where as the Americans and whoever has joined them in their fight over there seem to claim that their respect for human life is of highest importance.

Bullshit.

We do to them what they are now doing to us. So not only must we be angry at them, why not turn around and look at your own leaders and an answer. Their all just a bunch of big boys, with big toys.

Fuck I've gone into the politics. God damn it!

What I have focused more on from this incident is....

This can happen to anyone of us. With the blink of an eye your entire life could be over. No saying goodbye, no last daring stunt of bravery, no last look at the ones you love the most. You will never be around again, never catching that bus, never being called for relationship advice or to go out on the weekend. This is what scares me the most. People just going about their daily lives, to not have those daily lives anymore. In a way makes you appreciate just being alive so much more.

This doesnt even just have to relate to terrorist attacks. Plane crashes, car accidents, freak branch falling on you in the middle of a golf course (still cant believe the irony). Just like that it's over. When I really think about it, it scares me more than any terrorist group, politician etc. I pray to god it never happens to anyone around me that I love dearly.

Think about it.

My heart goes out to all victims and their families involved in this horrible incident and my prayers and concern are with all my friends living and visiting London at this time.

Now which size were you after???

2005-07-02T18:41:00.000+09:30

Yes! MIC has moved on. She no longer works for the regime that was the 'supermarket' and now is starting her new job in a nationally recognised clothing store :P

Yes Im getting paid slightly less but this doesnt worry me as I will be loving every minute of my job. Working with clothes all day, helping customers, hot guys walking in for that necessary pink polo shirt.....i dont agree with it but damn do polo's look fine on guys ;)

I have my first shift on Thurs and the most exciting, I get to go shopping tomorrow for outfits to wear, as they insist I wear their clothing :D

Unfortunately tho, MIC has been taken down by the all to familiar tonsilitis :( Well it's been a pretty bad run of it actually, I cant talk, cant turn my neck and cant swallow anything larger than a capsule.

Got the doc around the other night and he prescribed me 500mg of pennicilin, which I knew was not enough as I get it severly so i need to be on at least 1000mg. So i proceeded to get worse to the point where at training for my new job this morning, I couldnt answer any questions or move faster than a grandma in a walking frame. Not a good start. But nice to see the new boss was already giving me shit about it.

'Speak up MIC, can't hear you.'

Ha Ha Ha.

So yes went back to the docs today and he fears it may be glandula fever. He wanted to give me a blood test, but me being the 5yr old scaredy cat refused and instead he swabbed half way down my throat and gave me this pink liquid i have to take. Is he trying to tell me something???

So yeh Im feeling a bit better but if I dont recover on these drugs then I have Glandula and yeh pretty much fucked. He even said something about having to take steriods for a short period in order to get the swelling down!!!!!!!

Yeh i could just picture coming home, scratching my crotch, feeling my stubble, looking at my parents and saying in a monotone voice.....

'How you goin mate!'

Will work for above award wages...

2005-06-26T12:26:00.000+09:30

Readers that work with me will be able to verify this. Friends of MIC would have on numerous occasions heard me whine about this, and as for the rest of my enthusiastic readers, you have probably either heard me bitch about it on here or your just about to get a lesson in my working life.

As most of you know, I work at a 'supermarket', that term I use lightly. I have many close friends there which really are more like family to me now as we have all been there too long.
I also have a notoriously bad run with bad managers. WhatsHerName being the last and what was thought worst of all managers.

But no.

Sadly.

It gets worse than a ugly, slow mole. Excuse the harshness but its true.

We have now had the undesired pleasure of being ruled by an evil force from a world with no conscience. I will call it Fifi. It is a 50 something, northern suburbs, never had a friend as a teenager, trying to relive my youth, must have had Morgan Freeman cut my hair.... cow. Hahahaha oh that was too good....

It has waltzed its bogan ass into our store, and from the moment it opened that mouth all i could smell was the sweet intoxicating aroma of bullshit. It has lied to its workers to apparently 'strategically' forward itself further up the corporate Fab 5's ass and done it with not even so much as a second thought. It has demoted, cease to give hours or plainly make their shift a living hell in order to what I have now been informed as 'weening out' the old staff.

Is it because we're bad workers?

No.

Is it because we don't have a clue what we're doing or how the store runs successfully?

No.

Is it because we're better looking?

Not even debatable.

Or is it simply threatened by the fact that we run fine on our own and really only have it there to organise some rostering and to take the heat when shit fucks up???

Oh I get chills down the spine at the thought.

It really has no idea how to run a business, only to ensure at the end of the day its behind gets in its sad excuse of a car knowing that tomorrow it will come back to the same job.

Ween us old school team out? Oh but with pleasure your highness. For a business that is turning to shit with the single swift of one bad workers hand, id rather get out now with some dignity and work up the ranks somewhere else. Just so I can come back in a few years time, make you put through 3 trolleys worth of the smallest shit i could find in the store, then ask you to sort out into cold goods, meats, cleaning products and well.....fuck it.....sort out all things with sharp corners. You know why IT? Because thats the way it's worked out. Sounds better coming out of my mouth I think.
And after this I will whip out my GOLD credit card to pay for such goods, after no doubtably finding that you have scanned wrong items mroe than once and make you do the refund.
I will walk out the store to my already better but soon to be another whole class car to place my shopping away and drive away.

And what will you be doing??? Oh oh whats that????

Still working at a small non-profitable store, getting called into the managers office every week to be told off and left crying...... Oh, thats a shame. Shouldn't have burnt your bridges and taken the opportunity to prosper when it was there.

Oh that was a harsh piece wasnt it????? Not one to sound bitchy but....

It deserves it.

My love and respect to everyone else at that store, I adore all of you.

ciao ciao, going to play with kitty :P

PS. IT, look up the word customer service, I think you'll be quite shocked.

the fine print...

2005-06-14T19:48:00.000+09:30

Alright so i didnt realise my blog highlighted the lives of some high maintainence women and what goes through their sexually orientated, quite often intoxicated minds....

But now it has been put on me to describe what sort of woman fits this catagory..... does it have to do with her looks, her brains, or a certain what the french call 'I dont know what.'

To tell you the truth, I'm lost for words!
I dont really consider myself in the high maintainence catagory, but i certainly do know some people that would be. So I can only go on what I've seen.....

To me, high maintainenece women are nothing to do with how good looking they are, or how academicall smart they may be. It is a certain something that only certain women possess and I cant even classify them so as to give you a clue what to look out for! They come across all cultures and social standings, all shapes and sizes.

I admit that you will find a bigger concentration of them in the European raised families, but i hesitate to generalise.

Basically, to narrow it somewhat, these HM girls tend to be in the group that are more dominant in personality. Not saying they all are, but women with certain opinions, women with certain expectations that they have been brought up to believe are the ones that will be more demanding on you.

Honestly, it doesnt take us good looks and some brains to pussy whip some men! Although it certainly can make things that bit easier :P

What I guess Im trying to put across is, that these high maintainence women continue to be such because they have men that give into their ideals......so really who is to blame????

If you guys only knew, us women are more tame-able than you think.....if it seems we're not?? you're going about it the wrong way, it means we've found your loop hole.

But please guys, I want to hear a male perspective of what they think defines a high maintainenec woman?

My slice of Manhattan

2005-06-01T12:59:00.000+09:30

what does every girl need at least three times a year?

shopping trip away with the girls! it seems in a way to act as a psychologist for us women in the sense that through us swiping that card and zipping up that dress, each little problem that bothers you seems to be inevitably irrelevant.

So MIC, DeliHuni and OMGThatSmile headed off to the wonderful (Manhattan) Melbourne for drinks, dresses, trams and more than our fair share of metrosexuals.
We boarded the train......the 12 hour trip train i should say.
Now this didnt phase me as much as the others as i had done this trip before......alone.
But after about 5 hours of reading Cosmo and talking of our sex lives, you start to wonder whether relationship councellors need any formal training at all.

So we finally get there and hail our chariot to our palace in which we will rest for the next 3 nights. Well our chariot was an "aiite" black man in a taxi and our palace was a backpackers on King St. Who needs to pay accomodation wen that money can be spent on more shoes right??

After showing HIM where to go and a scenic tour of King St we got to our hostel and unpacked. Everyone seemed to be making the customary call back home to let them know we're safe and werent suddenly derailed somewhere between horsham and ghost town....
since i had not notified my family of my where abouts that weekend i had no one to call.....tear.

Quick call to an old friend and we were organising our first outfits and ready to head out....as sitting for another 2-3 hours didnt seem appealing after the day we had.
We proceeded to eat out at a pizza joint and discuss times of old and what we had all missed. After this i think all of us agreed on that we needed sleep as the wknd ahead was not going to be relaxing....

Friday morning.....up at f**king 5am because of a garbage truck and then up at 8am to get ready to shop. We had been well advised to visit DFO. For all Adelaide readers, this HUGE place is situated in the suburbs and would take u about 40 mins to get to by train and bus....but it is well worth it..... Imagine Harbour Town, but with about 5 times as many stores and better ones at that. We loved it....Id say we were there from about 11am to 4pm....it was nuts...

After that we were exhausted and decided to head back for a quick nap before heading out that night. How old are we????

So we got oursleves looking all fine and headed down to the Crown Casino for a dinner by the river and some unexpected shaningans upstairs.
Dinner was awesome at Automatic....which is basically Buongiorno's with better food and higher price range. Sitting by the river and admiring the hourly flames would seem mediocre to the average Melbournian, but for us Adelaide girls this was a touch of class that had to be enjoyed with the first Cosmo for the wknd.

Then the ever so slightly Metro manager informed us to head up to Odeon for a good night out. We saw the $15 cover charge and thought screw this place! As we headed out the bouncer saw three gorgeous chicks heading the wrong way and started to panic....

' whats the matter girls??? dont u have enough money??'
'excuse me?'
' here let me stamp u, do u have enough for drinks? here have a drink card.'
'ooookkk.....'

So we proceeded back inside and headed straight to the bar. Odeon is sorta like a mini red sqaure but without the skanks and black guys. It musta been Time Warp night cause the 80's hits were going off!

This Englishman saw us at the bar and was intrigued as to the drinks that we were shoting (jelly donuts mmmm) so he proceeded to shout us as he had a tab running. We talked to him and his Scottish friend for most of the night. Not that i could understand a word the Scott was saying and at the end engaged in a little dancefloor foreplay with the Englishman. Before we left i stated i was gonna snog him, and i did.

Did OMGThatSmile inform me that this man was wearing a wedding ring???? Uhuh. Fantasy No.1 fulfilled.....well partially.

So back to the room at about 2am to rest before shopping all again the next day.
Each morning saw us with a routine trip to Starbucks, yet another luxury Adelaide is not fortunate enough to possess. Tall Caramalatte mmmmmmmmmmm.....

So today it was Bridge Rd for shopping.....and i can say we couldnt get the whole lot done before feeling absolutely stuffed. We headed back to the city...probably grabbed more Starbucks and some Nando's for tea and went back to the room.
From a phonecall we were informed that there was a Hard Rock Cafe in Melbourne and that soon became our venue for the night.....
Got dressed a little retro and headed up the hill situated on the main street! i know, hills in the city....these guys are crazy!
This night saw one too many Cosmo's, some awesome cocktails made by the bar girls, some standard aussie pub songs and yes, MIC dancing ontop of the bar with staff etc...
We even got DeliHunni smashed, a vendetta of mine for a long time.... hehehhehehe
So we caught a taxi 2 BLOCKS to Macca's, a whole of $3.20 i think it was....and stuffed our faces as one usually does wen highly intoxicated....
After that we somehow struggled back to the hotel room for some raunchy underwear photos of us all and then i think i remember just zoning out.
Up early Sunday to pack our bags.....depressing....and our final day out!
We headed down to St Kilda for a well deserved breakfast, and i took them to a place i had visited a few times in Melb before....Vibe i think the name was. A very funky cafe that well deserves recognition for their Red Bull breakfast.... Pizza with scrambled eggs on top and a red bull.....went down nicely...
after this had a quick look in the infamous St Kilda cake shops and then proceeded to head to Chapel St.
I had run out of cash by this point, and DeilHunni foolishly stepped in with a credit card...hehe nah thank u hunni, i paid back in full so all is good....

Bought some great stuff and for the first time all wknd i saw OMGThatSmile shop like she was meant to....

So after yet another amazing day we headed back to the city to check out Louis Vuitton, a must for DeliHunni and i must give her credit on not buying anything in that store!
So after our final shopping escapades, we headed up to Hard Rock one more time for dinner with who seemed like a nice friend. Had a very intense conversation and then retired to the train stations to sadly head home.....

As we walked to the secret platform in the middle of the night, holding all our possessions in the cold....i couldnt help but say.....

'Does anyone else feel a little Schindler's List about this?'

Thank you Melbourne for an amazing weekend and we shall be back!!

MIC Wars: Attack of the Ex's

2005-05-01T16:31:00.000+09:30

It seems that people living in a city such as Adelaide can never escape their past.
The past two years for me have been countless attempts to create a new life for myself, and within let me count it......less than 24 hours i have randomly had encounters with three of my ex's.

I also dont mean the man you dated for 2 months back when you were going through that i just need to be with someone period. These were significant, puppy love ex's. Starting from the age of 15 up!

So what is it about bumping into the ex that somehow makes us bump into our past and makes us think either what the hell i was thinking, or why did i let them go?

First off, me and DeliHunni were shopping in lets say a low budget department store as she has twisted me into a bargain hunter. Now i dont live at home, this has come of great use. So the last place i expected to see an old significant other shopping with his new 2 yr significant other. My sheer embarassment was at how i looked, needless to say he has taken a nose dive since we dated.....but the woman in me still wanted to look better....and running around in trackies, a brasil jacket, black punk cap, undone hair and no make up definately did not pull this off. Ofcourse he also had to be in every area of the shop that i seemed to be in.

Not to be the typical woman, but why is it we have to compare ourselves to our ex's new girlfriends? Is it to see what they put us on the same plate with, or whether they had it good with is and we feel some satisfaction in knowing we came better off?
I know this will sound very sexist and probably portray us fine ladies as vindictive or whatever, but sadly it's the truth. Im sure you men have your vices with ex's also.

So after encountering ex No.1 with his (not as good as me haha) girlfriend, me and DeliHunni headed home. Enjoyed a nice dinner, watched our show which can be also translated as the Bible for women and then 'boop'. My slightly odd, but discreet msg tone sounds....

It is THE ex. Well...... The ex that took this little MIC's innocence.

Wanting to catch up. Which he has wanted to do often recently.

I dont hate him, i'll never be capable of that so i considered catching up. Except this happened to be with all his friends who magically know about me. I can only guess what they know so i opted out. It would be like being a puppy in a pet store, people know what kind of breed you are, they're just yet to see you! No thanks!

So after bailing on that idea, i enjoyed the rest of my night and most of the next day. Then.....

Ex No.3 msg'd me as well!

This you could say was my high school crush that never eventuated till well after high school. I took his innocence and i didnt think men got that attachment thing......but im proven wrong.
The crush is now long gone and after attempts to nicely let him done, he still does not get the msg. Infact, his msg was more like what he loves about me, and how on earth can he find a way to catch up with me.

I dont hate him either, so i feel bad refusing to see him. But if i do, i know how awkward it will be.

So my weekend has been somewhat emotionally draining and has taken me on a rollercoaster ride of my life, my loves. Maybe we're not meant to escape our past. Maybe it serves as a ever reminding text book from high school on how to do and not to do things.

So with visits from the past? Did we learn it all in high school?

So here we are, we are alone....There's weight on ur mind, and i wanna know..

2005-04-16T14:43:00.000+09:30

Ok. So this is my attempt to break it down, or cope really.

Most of the time u read of my life's sexual escapades, or the 'Melrose Place' dramas of the people around me. But this is taking courage to admit publicly....My life has spiralled at the speed of a Sonic Boom.

To all that know me, I still am the peachy, always smiling MIC....but....my life is a series of questioning occurances, questioning as in i question if i still hold on to my own sanity. I've thought over whether i should bother posting this, as to most readers the impact will not be as severe and will seem more like a whinging woman experiencing her monthlies.....ewwww and no.

So i hope that someone reading will realise what i am going to spill is a major part of my life and thus preoccupying most of the vacant space in my mind.

My family life is well. Disfunctional. HA! Beyond that point.

My mother suffers from multiple mental illnesses. What a cliche of the 90's.
The fastest growing disease these days and yet has the stigma attached to it that it is not really an illness more a choice and state of mind. Do you think i haven't had this opinion myself?
Sadly its not the case, parts of me wish it was. Its very real, and i experience it everyday of my life, see it, feel it, taste it, dream it. I cant escape the fact that my mother is no longer the mother in my head and memories, and that i have to witness her downfall and abuse with every breath.

Whatever i may say, she is still my mother and i love her dearly and would not trade her for the world.

But its killing me inside.

I know that there's help out there for people like her. But we have tried. Everything. Until she admits that she is sick there is not much we can do because she can shut it off when she pleases.
My good memories of my mother lie before i was about 6 yrs old, and at that there's only a few as i was so young. Majority of events that run through my mind are like a nightmare.

For my youth i was taught to keep my mouth shut to save her having an episode, which is what i did for so many years, this would probably account for why i chose to reserve my opinions alot of the time, especially in situations when i shouldn't.
This continued until the abuse became detrimental to myself and my father, the dearest person in my life. As i hit 17 the pain was too much and i started to voice myself....in a way an attempt to almost snap it out of her.

Im now 19 and a half and the continous struggle has not ended. It has become progressively worse to what was an episode every few months has turned into one every couple of weeks. And they have become more damaging, hurtful and unforgiveable with each one. I have always been a strong person, that has often been the shoulder to cry on, and always smiled her way through a tragedy.... But i no longer smile. It's almost like im screaming and bleeding a mime that no one can see.

So this is my attempt to somewhat spill the feelings out so that a few may understand my hurt without me revealing it to the whole world. You will not see me cry, you wont see me fall, I will smile and joke with you in the style that is MIC..... always.

My final attempt to escape my nightmare and start my life over right and build on the pre born maturity and strength i have learnt to possess is to start it on my own. With the company and support of DeliHunni and Jetpilot.
Most will say i am running away from my problems. But this is not that case, my problems will never cease and this is simply a chance to rehabilitate myself and start it on my own.

This is a small insight into what has been my teenage life, the blood, the glass, the alcohol i have seen is something i never wish upon anybody. I hold back on detail simply for the fact it is too painful.

My eternal gratitude goes out to DeliHunni and Jetpilot for being 2 people that have cared so much and listened so long to my pain....i can never repay them for the support they have given to me because they will never know just quite how much it meant to me.
My love also goes to my 'adopted mother' who always has a humble insight and has been a source of comfort on numerous occasions and my two friends OMGThatSmile and DaGreekGoddess who's unconditional love and support has often been the light at the end of the tunnel for me.

THANK YOU. YOU ALL WILL NEVER KNOW....

a little tug here..... a little tug there.....

2005-04-09T16:39:00.000+09:30

I.

Dont.

Know..

Really how to explain this one....

Has public masturbation become the new porn?
Im not stating that it's done infront of a crowd with a nice stage and intricate lighting scheme. But when such acts are being done outside your own house, in a somewhat nice car, with the light on and you sitting there...not having to do a thing...expected to just sit back and enjoy....how do u feel comfortable???

Now dont get me wrong, if your in the bedroom with your significant other and things are getting a bit wild wild....it has been known, even for this little innocence....that women will often start tickling their own fancy.....and men alike....this is acceptable for the place and mood....

But when a random, horny as i havent had sex in a year, guy calls up wanting to play around...this is NOT A TURN ON...

He simply wanted to come over, pull his pants down and for my mouth to just be magically open.... this really didnt do much for me as all i would come out with is no satisfaction what so ever and a bad case of jaw lock (or as later found out...that would not occur hehe). So as i thought this was already a desperate attempt at getting off.... i wondered how far it would go.... so i pushed it to a point that any man i knew would refuse....

'No, i want to see you play with it...'

Obviously sarcasm isn't felt over text messaging as the reply was...

'Alright i'll come over and you can watch me in the car. See u in 20. bye.'

FUCK.

So i rang my most reliable source DeliHunni and told her the situation... She stated if he actually went through with it...take your phone and get pictures! So i thought about it and i was like....yeh, he wont do it, and if he does...this is just too good to not witness...

So he arrived, i subtly went out in my most unattractive outfit and sat in his car....the awkwardness you could cut with a knife..... he stated that maybe we should kiss first...but i kindly refused stating i was just there to watch...hehehehehe

So he proceeded to quickly take ALL clothing off (so unnecessary) and sit there spanking the monkey...with such a disinterested face.... I asked if he was ok and he looked at me with the biggest grin..... go figure...

So yes this took all of about 5 mins and then i hopped out of the car...trying to hold back tears of laughter and stated see u next time...without any intention of ever seeing this man again..... and i havent... no communication, nothing....and thats the way i'll keep it i think....anything else is just way too creepy...

the fact u men exist scare me....

2005-03-22T22:12:00.000+10:30

The pain, it lingers in loneliness,
My tears fall dry to the world.
This sickness cannot consume me,
Like thoughts through my idol mind.
I stare into myself, my darkness,
For every question, the answer is no.

Bring me back to a world of nothing,
Where silence is a well laced drug.
Stop these whispers, these screams,
Keep the sun from piercing my skin.
Let me dive into these cold shadows,
In a world that has no judgement.

Touch me softly, so i know im alive,
Kiss me, to make my answers a yes.
The hurt of being out of reach, the pain,
I wish you could see my untouchable world.
But i lie alone, in this chilling silence,
Where my screams echo in my eyes.

I turn to see nothing at all, no one,
My heart crawls away in a dream.
Now left in my pain and silence,
To wallow in what I can't control.

Well slap my ass and call me frank!

2005-03-20T23:35:00.000+10:30

In what era was it no longer considered acceptable to hit women????
I know it was definately before my time....or so i thought....

Yes MIC was seeing someone of late, a relationship which looked somewhat promising...but soon delved into paranoia, obsession and violence.

True DeliHunni had mentioned to me that this man seemed to be somewhat possesive, but being the dumb female (never quote me on that!) that i am saw it as a loving thing. Im sorry hunni, i should have listened alot sooner.

I had the weekend off work, a fair bit of spare cash in hand so at last minute decided to be romantic and travel over to Melb (my city of choice) to see LaBogan. All went as well the first day, but by the second i was in fights about how i dont care, how i want a threesome with his room-mate, how im in love with my 50 yr old english friend, how i should be ashamed to want a euro passport, how i shouldnt be allowed out to visit some other friends on my own, how i should be ridiculed for being a wog! The list goes on....

This was making me sick and therefor devoiding me of any sex drive after about 24 hrs of setting foot in Melb. Not only this, i was not once taken anywhere over the weekend and believe my saturday was spent watching DVD's and my Sunday spending 4 hrs watching lawn bowls!!!! And yes i still stand by it is an oldie sport which should be left at that.
On top of this, i had to pay for most things, including mine and LaBogan's. Which left me to spend $40 of my couple of hundred budget spending money. This irritated me more than most because my main purpose most times to be in Melb is to shop, and anyone that knows me well enough will understand that to take my spending money away from me is not smart.

So i thought ok as a boyfriend this man would at least shout me a couple times since i spent over half of my weeks wage to get there short notice and also maybe take me out to a few places i wanted to go.
Now i dont mean to sound stereotypical, but there is a human instinct that a woman will choose a man that proves to be capable of providing for her. When im paying most expenses, not being entertained and being verbally abused day in day out, the attraction there dwindles.

This hit a high on the Sunday night when i was taken to the dirtiest, boganesk excuse for a pub to shoot some pool, in a suburb i later found out to be quite dodgy. The only solution to ensure a good night???? Drink. Drink much alcohol.

This lead to another fight wen back at the house, I had simply had enough and went to walk out, was shoved on the bed, and wen the second attempt was made a swift back hander to my cheek was made......

Growing up with an older bro who can whoop me in 3 mins, i dont stand and take it...... I went balistic! Stated that if he was to touch me again he'll feel it. Well. He did. Thats when for the first time in my 19yrs of life, I have actually hit someone and meant it. And. It felt good.

This saw the end of the relationship for me, and luckily the next day my knight in shining armour who i still love and adore as much as the first day i met him sweeped me away and saved me. MelbMrBig is an old flame of mine that has never died and the few times that we get to see each other seem to be a lifetime in a few days.

I will not detail, but this man went out of his way to help me, and i am forever grateful for his kindness and his support. It's not every person that shows that sort of selflessness and I will repay him one day. Just know that i still love you as much as ever, and that you were right....

Nothing changes.

She's Back......and Pissed Off!!!!!!!!!

2005-03-04T16:25:00.000+10:30

well well, sorry i have been absent so long.... I've had a few complaints as late, but really the past couple of weeks has been amazing, and lots of stories to tell u all.....but for now there is one thing, one thing that has pushed little MIC over the edge to the point i went to management....

Its name???

FuzzBallWrinkleFace

Otherwise known as my new manager, this woman has redefined what i thought a BAD manager was...
Now if u read my column religiously then you will know that most managers that come to my department are not well liked....but tolerated. They had areas to improve on but on the whole probably kept the department in tact.

Not this one.

This woman has absolutely no clue as how to run the section, she blantently takes her time or acts oblivious to the tasks that her title quite clearly state....and as for a manager, I think most could say that they see her actually IN her section for no more than half an hour of their entire shift....

With minimal background training, and no team management skills whatsoever, this FuzzBallWrinkleBum has got herself off to a great start at her new job which why it was allocated to such a dimwit i will never know!

Not only has she completely disregarded any attempt i have made at informing her of my regular hours, the hours i prefer to work and even the extra hours i was willing to take on...... she has now held it in her unfortunate power to relieve me of my supervisor duties...... To Where's Wally!!!! Someone almost as incompetant as her!!!!

This upset me to no end as i have been an employee at this workplace for roughly four years and have been a supervisor for well over a year.....Where's Wally on the other hand, has been a SHOCKING supervisor for only a few months..... Now u prob think i say this out of anger, but no, there are many employees at my work that can vouch for the stupidity of persons mentioned.
It seemed rude, unfair and a complete lack of respect on her behalf to me as i was more qualified, more preferred and for fuck sakes they were my usual shifts that he was getting!

As i did not want any of this I went to see one of the managers this morning and told him my issue, and secondly that she had no real legitimate reason to give me for this change except 'thats just how its worked out.'
He stated that i talk to her about it, and if im still unhappy to speak to him about moving departments. Well it didnt even get that far, before i was told by SupaFly that she had asked another untrained employee (sorry hun, i luv u i do, and take the job, im just coming from my point of view) if she would like to be trained up to take my job basically.....

I.

Went.

Off...

I dropped my shit, went out the back to try hold back the tears but i could no longer. It hurt. It hurt real bad. I had never felt so disrespected in my life! Luckily DeliHunni was there to support me and try and cheer me up. But i had had enough.....wen she called me into the office to 'talk' i was ready to say thats it!

I constantly asked her for a legitimate reason as to why i was being replaced by an untrained staff member, wen my availability is higher than hers, and my experience being the obvious one!
I got no legitimate answer apart from 'thats what i've decided.'
This is wen i clued on to it that this was becoming more personal. So i asked once more, and she then stated that it also had to do with 'personal performance.'
I clicked. i stated that it was a personal attack as my performance levels, on record even show that i am a more competant worker who is of more help to other departments as well. So sorry hun, strike two.

Then finally she came out with the third bullshit comment of

'i feel the others need to have a turn.'

What kind of Mickey Mouse (oh what an appropriate term for this woman!) business are you trying to run here?
Supervising is not something to share around the group! Its not show and tell (which i can see is your favourite game) It is something given to your more experienced and reliable staff!!!! Which is why i have been doing it for so fucking long!!!!!
You know what.....go for it, if u think it's going to work..... Cause i'll be right there watching when u burn out.... Maybe then you could say you actually have learned and now gained a little experience on how to pick a brown noser!!!!!

I then stood up, stated that i believe her actions were wrong, that she gave me no legitimate reason except a personal attack as to her decision and therefor i simply walked out and said...

"I no longer work for u. Bye."

I told the manager and he has told me to speak to the bigboss tomorrow about transferring to another section.....

I hope u have fun covering all my shifts next week as i no longer am working them, and i hope your HOPELESS plan to RUN your section works out for u.... Im on to bigger and better things this yr anyway!

sorry readers......back to cheery MIC.........................now :)

I dont wanna be anything other than what i been trying to be lately!!!!

2005-01-27T13:17:00.000+10:30

Right i have been holding off on this person for a while now, but their fucking self obsorbed, hidden insecurity, attempt at being a SNAG opinions have just fucked me right off!!!!
Scarface, as it fits so well, is an internet friend of MIC from Canberra. Now ladies i ask you....we talk of how we want a man to be more understanding of our feelings, and would a little more romance help...but have you ever come across that guy who thinks he understands our feelings better than us and takes romance to that all cringe worthy level of a Jane Austin novel??? The guy you just look at and say 'Hunni you are TOO intouch with your feminine side, GROW SOME BALLS!!!'

These are the kinda men that make our above requests a contradiction because wen we come across them, we want the opposite...and then ofcourse there comes the typical 'Fkn females...You give them what they want and then they want something different!'

Well Scarface has trapped me in debate after debate about women and in particular the women he is after.... What i mean by trapped is that ppl that know me well will know that if the topic of religion or the relationship between men and women come up....i cant sit back and ignore....

He is one of those men that think he knows more about what a woman wants than what an actual woman does..... He asks for my opinion to get the girls perspective and then completely dismisses anything i say because he 'knows better.'

Now i hear alot of you say, just stop talking to him....Truth is i cant. I love the debate. I did all through high school and nothings changed. My dad always brought me up to speak my mind when i dont agree with something (except when it comes to my mother) and its now ingrained in this small, but attractive mind.

I'm sorry men, you will never know us better than we know us simply for the fact that if you did, there would be no interest anymore. The fun is in not knowing what is going to happen, not knowing what their thinking. If you figure us out, if you know what we would be thinking or what we were going to do where's the fun in that? Its like seeing an epic and already knowing the ending....whats the point in even trying?
So take some comfort in that fact that being in the dark is all part of the game...

Scarface is not a believer in this and pretty much has the ego in himself that he knows what a woman wants and will play his cards right to get her to fall for him.
The woman he is after at the moment is well what can i say....in a word.....SKANK.
A particular breed of women that you will definately not figure out let alone get her drooling at the sight of you...
I took one look at this girl and thought, you have a better chance with Angelina Jolie than this chick....she is the kind of girl who would be a Car Mods promotion girl and go to all the AutoSalons in her little white shorts, busty t-shirt with her (soon to be) fake tits bursting out and her choc/vanilla hair extensions lining her over make-uped face....u get my drift?

Now no doubt this girl does have a heart and a mind, but when it comes to guys, she's there for the attention, men dont really phase her....until they stop droolin over her, then she will find an even more revealing outfit to get their attention back... If she was ever to fall for someone, he would have to be some adonis with a bigger ego than her.

Scarface is your mediocre clubbing wog. Nothing really different about him, not overly buff, not overly good looking, and for someone who has such an ego about himself...is unbelievably shy about getting this girl.

So what is his tactic to get this girl?

Well first off he made her a cd to express his feelings and handed it to her friend to give to her.... Bust up No 1.
A cd during a relationship...cute.... as a means to pick her up.....cheesy and unconfident (is that even a word?)
Not only that he didnt even hand it to her himself....then he left it for her to decide.....when she finally did come up to say something, he said she was so happy she was lost for words..... I would be too cause the only words that would be going through my head would be cheesedick, hopeless romantic, have your balls dropped yet???

Ok so im thinking he can redeem himself after this....now that she's spoken to him he could maybe ask for a number and go out for drinks sometime.....No.
Good old scarface decides he's going to play the jealous approach and dance with another girl to show her that she better snap him up quick before some other girl gets him...... someone get me the Sale of the Century buzzer they use for an incorrect answer....

Now you have just knocked urself back about 3 steps, if you were even up that high yet.... You give a girl a cd with the feelings that you 'supposedly' have for her on there and then when it comes to the crunch you show none of these feelings??? She's just going to see you as an insecure guy now who cant actually do things face to face and gets scared, and most probably in a relationship would be clingy....we steer clear of guys like you!

Now this girl would have guy after guy staring at her at this club, and to her none of them are different...all too scared to actually approach her because their scared of getting shut down....
Now ladies i dont know if you agree ( let me know) but if i was this chick....scrap the cd idea, way too 1920's serenade style, and simply walk right up to us and say hi, ask what we do, ask for our number and call us a few days later for a coffee.... act like you've got more confidence than us and we'll turn our head for you (dont be a cocky SOB tho)...otherwise if your going to be just another guy that sleazes on to us, or does everything afar as if to almost test the water before jumping in.....then we'll just yawn and start picturing Antonio Banderas in our heads again....

Scarface you got it all wrong. You've taken romance to the wrong level, and you perception on women is completely screwed....how do i know this??

Well if you claim to know exactly how to play them....Why is this chick not drooling at ur feet?

Id say your a semi good looking guy who hooked up with a hell hot chick one night and now has the ego that you could get that again. On the other hand your still the guy you were before with the insecurities and you cant fight that side of you...Secretly you know this chick is out of your reach and you choose to go for her because the shut down in a sick way feeds your insecurities and that gives you comfort....

Try a nice girl Scarface, from the moment i saw that girl i coulda told you no way.....U'd be suprised what a nice girl with a great personality can do for you....even make u happy :) Dont try to be anything but you...

Polling has begun!!!

2005-01-19T11:15:00.000+10:30

Lads! We need your input into this!!!

'How many of you out there enjoy, have tried, or would like to try anal with the ladies?'

A close workmate of mine Hoogster has debated with me the amount of men that are into this phenomena of the millennium... I claim that at least 80% of men out there are intrigued at the idea and given the chance wouldn't mind slipping one behind....

Hoogster claims that this is not the case and is more that women want to try it than men.... now i agree there are alot of women out there wanting to get a stiff one up the backside (not including myself) but i still stick by my comment that more men want to try it....

this is where we need ur input, guys leave a message for me stating whether u would be pro butt or anti butt....infact ladies can do the same, would like to see how many women still think like me....

Wax on.....Wax off

2005-01-10T20:00:00.000+10:30

What is with the female phenomena of 'hair removal'?
It seems in our quest to be more desireable to the opposite sex we have pushed the pain barriers to remove all unsightly body hair that would on the off chance put them off. But then to screw with our heads more, you get the men that prefer hair, either groomed or full naturale!
Is it really a necessity men??? Do we ask that u remove all hair from ur balls and ass crack???
There are the wave of 'metro sexual' men out there that do this by choice anyway, but you wont hear too many women complaining about how much hair their man has.

So we obsess about that little patch of hair like oh shit, he wont touch me if he sees that. But as we know men as a creature....if sex is on the menu its gonna take alot of hairs in their food to put them off!
I cant complain in this area, i am a self confessed hair removal addict. Not so much myself, i keep myself well groomed thank you, but i am now the waxer of most of my close friends, and even have gone so far as to be the sole care taker of DeliHunni's boy's (JetPilot) eyebrows.

But honestly, how important is it to them?
From all sources queried, it holds little importance at all....their mainly attracted to you as a whole and a little hair ain't going to deter them. They see it more as, it isnt their body so they have no right to say what you do with it.
A little prickle on the legs = added sensation, a single X wax instead of a double = extra padding, arm fuzz = to keep warm.
The only time that i believe they would do anything is when the perm can start to be plaited ladies! In that case i think even ourselves would want to check into the nearest beauty salon!

So should our hair removal be for them? Or is it now just a case of feeling more comfortable and feminine hairless? If its a case of this, then ladies relax, when you see a little hair let it go a few weeks before frantically trying to cease its existance....its only doing what its born to do!
Your not going to be any less attractive to yourself or anyone else if you have a little sandpaper growing on ur legs....

Now the mission is to get myself to believe what i just wrote and overcome my obsession.... But i think mine is more with the act, its theraputic to rid of something unwanted more than the fact i have a problem with hair on ppl....

Sorry, My Mistake!

2005-01-07T13:01:00.000+10:30

I preach that it is simply too easy to cheat these days with the invention of the SMS etc etc.... But when these mistakes are made, even if its not cheating, are there circumstances to which forgiveness is allowed?
Are mistakes simply a point of reference to where our boundaries lye? Simply its when we have taken it too far and offended another person, so in a way this statement is true. Some boundaries are just known as a general rule so over stepping them is even riskier, but some are up to the individual so therefore do we not need to make these mistakes once in order to know where this boundary lies?
In a world now that is not so fussed with the idea of commitment, to a job, to a relationship, to a house, anything really. Where change is so frequent if you don't stop and look often enough a whole chapter has passed you by, it is too easy to make these mistakes, and what's worse is its even harder to see where these boundaries are now.
Lets look solely into relationships here where most mistakes lye. Is there the forgivable mistake?
A lot of people will state that if you abuse it you lose it. But is this really a realistic view in today's society?
I agree on the terms that if your partner has been continuously heading over the barrier for months then yes this is not a forgivable mistake as they repeated it and therefore have not learned anything. In this situation, if forgiveness is given then this gives them free reign to walk all over you.

But...

If this mistake was once, and the partner was told by parties concerned. Then more thought needs to be taken into it. They stepped over the boundary that was not yet set and have realised they over stepped it. The rule of trial and error seems to be greatly accepted in all areas except relationships. Do we not need to make a few mistakes to learn and move on to make things better?
Still in this situation I realise there are still some circumstances that are unforgivable, like sleeping with your best friend and similar, but there are situations in which you have to sit back and think, am I ready to throw away something on someone's mistake when im just as vunerable to make one too? Should I be on the moral high ground here, or is that being presumptuous?
I say be more of a realist than romantic in this situation and really consider on whether their betrayal is REALLY something you cant get over before doing the all too familiar cocktail in the face.

Are you my Mr Big???

2005-01-01T16:18:00.000+10:30

Firstly happy new year to u all!!!!!!!! i hope your night was full of random drinks, random hook ups and random shoes at the end of the night...

The new year is meant to be a fresh start, an excuse to finally get rid of the baggage you've been to scared to in the last year. Its meant to close the door on unfinished business and put the faith into you that this year things will be better...
New years eve started out as usual...had to work till 9:30 which sucked but soon after had my gorgeous LittleBlackDress on and was heading into the city with my army mates....
Ending up at the bay for midnight and waiting an obscene amount of time to get into Pier to see DeliHunni, the night finally began to liven up!
BustAMove was across the lobby at SolBar so he came to join us for a while....
Do all relationships die hard? Or is it only a certain few that have taken that secret part of us we didnt even know we had? Why is it he is still the only man who can steal my breath by just walking in the room...

Did i fall for him alot harder than i thought i did???

I see him at work and thats fine, i see him sunday nights and by habit i just want to put my hand on his leg or give him a little kiss when he takes a good shot, but i have to pull myself back everytime. I saw him last night and I couldnt do it. Everything from the past 6 months had come rushing back to me in the span of about 5 seconds, it almost stung. No it wasnt the alcohol talkin at the time as i had only had one so far.
He fits so right to me it makes me sick inside. It makes me wonder, in order to have such intense feelings one way, must it not be returned in some way? Or am i just another sad case of the obsessed ex?
It didnt end because the feelings werent there. It ended because the feelings WERE there and that would inevitably spell disaster. So is it a case of BustAMove really being my Mr Big?(if your not a sex & the city viewer, that will not make sense)
Someone that is so right for me yet so bad for me at the same time. Someone that doesnt treat me the best yet i cant get enough of him? The man that fits into my mould but is the wrong flavour. The man I would drop any relationship for. The one that is in the right place and the 'never can be' time...
The one thing that probably shouldnt have taken place but wouldnt change if i could go back was the kiss.... yes to ensure these thoughts even more there was an almost 'for old times sake' kiss, that could only be justified last night as it was NYE. Its what i missed most really, the closeness. The touch that feels SO right that its almost as if you were born to just touch them.
On the way home, as drunk as i may have been, i cried.... Yes.....I know......MIC has finally cried over a man... Even today in my sober state, my eyes were stil welling....
This is once the girl who was not one for commitment, who would rather see men, have fun and not be tied down by someone that i would probably be sick of in a months time. Someone who was once notoriously single for nearly 2 years in which time was sadly set up that many times by her friends with guys that all fell short of the plank. Yes i guess you could say i was somewhat of a player, but it goes to show that a player is still out there looking for someone like the rest of you. Difference is they choose to have their fun along the way. But you can turn them, when they've been hit by someone thats it, they will suddenly become the Saint Mary. I know what your saying, thats not true my boyfriend was a player and he really loved me but still cheated cause he couldnt change his ways. Im sorry but sadly you werent the one to hit him. You had the potential, dont get me wrong, but you didnt make his head spin enough so that it sat straight again. I am now living proof.
Before BustAMove, i would date guys, but would never stop looking. Once he came into the picture, i didnt notice whether it was a male walking past or a donkey. I wanted nothing but him, if something happened in my day i wanted to run to him before DaWogs (big ask), if i was doing anything, i would want to do it with him.

But...

He was bad for me from the beginning and always will be, it hurts and tears me apart every day and i do cry, I still will a few more times i imagine but i never regret anything that has happened in the past 6 months. I know there is something in him too when i look at him but i will never really know what it is, and I prefer it to stay that way. If i knew either way it would kill me more. Do people create a bubble in order to distort their own reality? Always. Denial is the easiest way to accept.
Nothing has proved to me more than last night, that I have never loved a man that much and can only pray that someday someone kills me like that again.

To Butt, or not to Butt!

2004-12-30T13:48:00.000+10:30

Has the millennium brought on a new sexual catwalk? Has the term any hole's a goal become all too familiar? It seems that now that the standard bedroom antics have become some what like the teletubbies. Good for the beginner but when u've grown up South Park is the way to entertain!
Anal. Not only does the word not sound inviting, it seems to also put the fear of life into most women faced with it. Ok I generalise. There are women out there who love it, some even demand it and will not have it any other way.
At what stage did men suddenly cross that fine homo/hetro line and decide the 'anal with a woman' fantasy is up there with the strict school teacher and naughty school girl?
I am a proud member of the virgin butt club, and continue to be for many years, but I was faced with the question in a quite compromising position the other night. He was persistent but why could I not push that barrier? Have I hit my sexual exploration limit and now can be thrown out with the leftovers? Will women like me no longer be desired as a new wave of females embrace this reverse penetration?
The idea of having a man sticking his (in this case) quite oversized member into something that wont even handle constipation is somewhat out of the question here. Understandably it is enjoyable for the homosexual community as this is where their O spot exists, but I still fail to see where women get the enjoyment out of this position. Is it not just another tactic to satisfy the man we're with? If your man asked you to head into the toilet straight after him and handle some of his remains, would u do it?
It further more proves that this is still a mans world, where sexual limits are null and void in a mans brain, but somewhat reserved in a woman's. We are still being dominated to the point where they can literally shove it up our arses!

A salute...

2004-12-17T11:59:00.000+10:30

I smile as i see you,
You reassure me.
The small talk, the intentions,
Hit as you walked in the room.

For so long I've wanted this,
I feel u did too.
How can i know you,
Ur not a part of my world.

We carry on, desperately alone,
Yearning to touch and hold.
Finally the rush comes,
You are the one to kill me.

It grew and grew, unexpected in nature,
To the point where i cant breathe.
Without seeing your face,
And aching inside to be touched.

Now it is dying, the petals falling,
My soul has been ripped.
I yearn for you still,
But reality has hit me.

I talk to u and turn away,
Walking with my back to the sun.
U were the one, who did kill me,
But where im gone, you are now.

I choose SINGLE...

2004-12-16T11:26:00.000+10:30

After days of weighing up what i wanted or who i wanted i have made my decision. Not only have the offers reached the level 10 mark, they are coming with more force and kindness.
I have recently made the decision with my life to journey overseas and teach english, this ofcourse will be taking place in the next few months and Australia could be saying goodbye to MIC as soon as april!!! I admit it is a little scarey that it will finally be over, and that i will be out there doing what i always wanted (travelling) all on my lonesome in places I could only ever see in pictures. But at the same time i have never been so excited!
So this is why i am opting to stay single, as getting into something would not only be unfair to the other party, it may also sway my desire to move overseas. I know it probably sounds bad but i dont want to hold out from what i want to do because i dont want to leave a guy. At this age the chances of me finding the man i want to spend the rest of my life with in the next 4 months is highly unlikely, so i see no benefit in getting into something now. Id rather go out there, have a bit of fun for myself, maybe have a few flings but nothing exclusive, get some sexual satisfaction on this side for once! haha

Making this decision has actually taken a weight off, i dont have to worry about what im doing or who i may be hurting in the process.... China, Japan, Indonesia here i come!!!!

Bumper Sticker: Attention Men, She is Single!!!

2004-12-13T13:26:00.000+10:30

There has always been the common myth that when you are single, all offers for casual sex,seeing each other, deep meaningful relatioship or even re-enactment of Paris' porn video seem to suddenly vanish. Then when you settle for the one person that has showed interest in the past 6 months you tell yourself this is the person i've been waiting for, it was meant to be. Sadly, no huni. Thats your desperation from being lonely for so long talking.
Then to fuck with your head even more what happens? It seems all these hidden offers seem to come rushing back right? Is this some kind of sick joke a higher power is playing on us? Or is it simply these days going for the unattainable is the preferred option as that leaves us free of any obligation?
So now i ask the question, what the hell has happened to me in the past 2-3 weeks??? It seems my life has played role reversle. It seems during my relationship with BustAMove all offers were null and void, now that im wearing the all too familiar single badge again, it has been offer after offer, from parties that i would never have even considered!
Not that im necessarily complaining as this is probably the way i would prefer it, but now im in the dilemma of what avenue do i go down??? This week is gonna be testing i can feel it....

Sex, Lies and Cigarette Smoke...

2004-12-08T16:55:00.000+10:30

Anyone reading my blog from entry to entry will remember the article titled 'Why do these people exist?' It ofcourse stated my new found lack of trust in the opposite sex and their faithfulness to one woman with a little too close to home examples.
Yet again my feelings have been reassured and i now ask has the millinea brought on a new wave of relationships? Where even a steady bond is open to interpretation? Are we now in the era where knight in shining armours are probably more likely to show on the front of your cereal box than at your door?
It seems that today, even the word casual is being taken too casually. Marriages are now something that should be displayed in a musuem to display what people of generations ago ritualised. And still there is that concept of arranged marriages going around!! Excuse me for being um maybe 'of this time!' One) that was something of the 40's if that and Two) we live in what is considered one of the most culturally diverse countries of the world, people come to us to escape there prejudice lifestyles, and we pride ourselves on having the freedom to make our own choices. I could go on, but thats another entry all together...
What are we doing with our interactions? People are desperately trying to find that happiness that they stumble and fall for anything that slightly resembles that dream. Cheating is now as forgiveable as not returning a phone call, and the methods of breaking up have become so easy i was told of one on an answering machine message the other day.
How many times have you gone through that stage where you find one but they dont want something serious, then you meet someone that wants something and your not interested? Ever get the feeling we're part of a stand up comedy act for some higher power?
Internet is somewhat a contributor of this, its become that easy to form a 'deep' relationship without ever meeting the person, where SMS flirting has taken over any other intentional communication known to man. Jeez there's even SMS dating on tv! What next, date chips inserted in the brain so that you both dont have to leave the couch to interact?
Have we all become that self involved and recluse that normal social interaction is being exchanged for a swing back chair, instant coffee, black eye circles and typing ache in the hand?

No wonder its so easy to cheat when you can just message the person and the possibility of being caught (if done right) is minimal. Im not going to say im entirely innocent of this sin. I was seeing a guy that had a girlfriend, who i knew, the issue was that i was told they were broken up and to not say a word. I later found out this was a lie and cut all ties. But still the unknowing guilt was there seeing her face. I guess he was more to blame, but it reassures me that infidelity isnt for me...

Soon i believe the idea of monogamy and marriage will become extinct and we will move back more to our animalistic side, when the mating call is made, then its all on baby. We will go around, mating with the other sex with no conscience of cheating and do what the animals do, reproduce for the sake of survival, not feelings....
what a sad, sad time that will be...