A Random description of my everyday life's crap....a look into the ppl in MissItalianCutie's life and their impact... There will be tears, there will be laughter, at times there mite even be snoring (god forbid!) but i promise u this space will not go wasted... if u dont come out any the wiser on something then i have failed....and im sorry :(

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

The pain, it lingers in loneliness,
My tears fall dry to the world.
This sickness cannot consume me,
Like thoughts through my idol mind.
I stare into myself, my darkness,
For every question, the answer is no.

Bring me back to a world of nothing,
Where silence is a well laced drug.
Stop these whispers, these screams,
Keep the sun from piercing my skin.
Let me dive into these cold shadows,
In a world that has no judgement.

Touch me softly, so i know im alive,
Kiss me, to make my answers a yes.
The hurt of being out of reach, the pain,
I wish you could see my untouchable world.
But i lie alone, in this chilling silence,
Where my screams echo in my eyes.

I turn to see nothing at all, no one,
My heart crawls away in a dream.
Now left in my pain and silence,
To wallow in what I can't control.

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Well slap my ass and call me frank!

In what era was it no longer considered acceptable to hit women????
I know it was definately before my time....or so i thought....

Yes MIC was seeing someone of late, a relationship which looked somewhat promising...but soon delved into paranoia, obsession and violence.

True DeliHunni had mentioned to me that this man seemed to be somewhat possesive, but being the dumb female (never quote me on that!) that i am saw it as a loving thing. Im sorry hunni, i should have listened alot sooner.

I had the weekend off work, a fair bit of spare cash in hand so at last minute decided to be romantic and travel over to Melb (my city of choice) to see LaBogan. All went as well the first day, but by the second i was in fights about how i dont care, how i want a threesome with his room-mate, how im in love with my 50 yr old english friend, how i should be ashamed to want a euro passport, how i shouldnt be allowed out to visit some other friends on my own, how i should be ridiculed for being a wog! The list goes on....

This was making me sick and therefor devoiding me of any sex drive after about 24 hrs of setting foot in Melb. Not only this, i was not once taken anywhere over the weekend and believe my saturday was spent watching DVD's and my Sunday spending 4 hrs watching lawn bowls!!!! And yes i still stand by it is an oldie sport which should be left at that.
On top of this, i had to pay for most things, including mine and LaBogan's. Which left me to spend $40 of my couple of hundred budget spending money. This irritated me more than most because my main purpose most times to be in Melb is to shop, and anyone that knows me well enough will understand that to take my spending money away from me is not smart.

So i thought ok as a boyfriend this man would at least shout me a couple times since i spent over half of my weeks wage to get there short notice and also maybe take me out to a few places i wanted to go.
Now i dont mean to sound stereotypical, but there is a human instinct that a woman will choose a man that proves to be capable of providing for her. When im paying most expenses, not being entertained and being verbally abused day in day out, the attraction there dwindles.

This hit a high on the Sunday night when i was taken to the dirtiest, boganesk excuse for a pub to shoot some pool, in a suburb i later found out to be quite dodgy. The only solution to ensure a good night???? Drink. Drink much alcohol.

This lead to another fight wen back at the house, I had simply had enough and went to walk out, was shoved on the bed, and wen the second attempt was made a swift back hander to my cheek was made......

Growing up with an older bro who can whoop me in 3 mins, i dont stand and take it...... I went balistic! Stated that if he was to touch me again he'll feel it. Well. He did. Thats when for the first time in my 19yrs of life, I have actually hit someone and meant it. And. It felt good.

This saw the end of the relationship for me, and luckily the next day my knight in shining armour who i still love and adore as much as the first day i met him sweeped me away and saved me. MelbMrBig is an old flame of mine that has never died and the few times that we get to see each other seem to be a lifetime in a few days.

I will not detail, but this man went out of his way to help me, and i am forever grateful for his kindness and his support. It's not every person that shows that sort of selflessness and I will repay him one day. Just know that i still love you as much as ever, and that you were right....


Nothing changes.